I just threw up on my dentist
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
