well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
