You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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