I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
