the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
