you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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