is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize