I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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