it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
