I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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