At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
