he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
