By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
