please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
