im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
being pregnant is like rehab
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
