I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
