I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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