You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
