PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she told me i tasted like america
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize