I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
