it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
