Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
