when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We have started to decorate penises.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize