this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
