You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
