he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
