I'm eating all of the evidence.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize