my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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