she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize