he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
