why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
