fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
