I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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