i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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