my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
