Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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