she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
