I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
