phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
