i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
