I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
where am i from again
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
