Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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