These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
