Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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