Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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