After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
