I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
