I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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