I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so much tequila, so little girl.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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