Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
