obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
