you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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