So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
