as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize