do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
