you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
