Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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