y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
