my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
