i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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