Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize