I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize