Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
