I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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