No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
