Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
