You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
