im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
