Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
