1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
