so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Damn victory sex feels great
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