bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
