So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
