guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
