Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
