Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
