Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I love you.
Bad choice
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
