So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
