Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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