rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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