i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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