Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize