I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
