I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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