remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
