I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
