When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And then he peed in my hair
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