My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
