College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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