Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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