its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
