dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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