16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
