I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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