so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
