he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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