one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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